


Swing, swing, swing the spinning step

by robliz



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2018-11-23 00:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robliz/pseuds/robliz
Summary: 5 times Bernie wore a dress and 1 time she didn't.Snapshots through their friendship and relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

Shopping really wasn’t Bernie’s thing. She tended to do her clothes shopping quickly, going into one shop and buying the first thing that looked reasonable. She knew what looked good on her so this method generally worked well for her. She usually chose to try clothes on at home and return any that didn’t fit later. This was not Serena’s approach to shopping at all, as Bernie found out very early on in their friendship when Serena dragged her into town one weekend with the promise of tea and cake.

“'Just one shop,' she said. 'I’ll only be a minute,'” Bernie muttered to herself as she sat on a chair outside the changing room. It had been at least half an hour and Serena seemed intent on trying on every item of clothing in the shop.

“Did you say something Bernie?” Serena asked from behind the curtain.

“No.”

Serena stuck her head around the curtain and studied Bernie. She was slumped in the chair, her arms folded across her chest and a look of extreme boredom on her face. She almost laughed at the sight. It reminded her so much of shopping with Elinor when she was a child.

“Just give me a minute,” she said to Bernie, disappearing out of the changing room and into the shop, barefoot and with only a skirt and a camisole on to protect her modesty. Bernie raised her head and watched her go, trying not to stare at Serena’s bare legs and confused by what was happening.

Serena returned in less than a minute carrying a stack of clothes that she dumped on Bernie’s lap.

“More?” asked Bernie in astonishment.

“Ah,” Serena smiled, “These aren’t for me. These are for you. Think you’d look good in them.”

Bernie stared at Serena.

“Up you get soldier, lots of trying on to do,” Serena said as she ushered Bernie into the cubicle next to hers. 

Bernie just gaped at her. She allowed Serena to push her and the clothes into the cubicle and pull the curtain across. Then she slumped onto the stool and started to look at the clothes she had been handed. There were a few nice shirts she could see herself wearing, a stripy top and a dress. Bernie looked at the dress in surprise. She wondered why Serena had thought she would look good in it. It was a simple design, knee length with wide shoulder straps. It was pale in colour and covered in flowers. And it was the total opposite of anything Bernie usually wore. She held it up against herself and wondered. She’d never even worn a dress around Serena before, rarely wore them at all. She only owned dresses fit for formal occasions and this dress was decidedly casual.

“Are you actually trying anything on in there or do I need to come in and help you?” Serena’s voice came from the cubicle next door. Bernie blushed bright red at the thought of Serena helping her to undress.

“No, no,” she choked out, “I’m fine. Just give me a minute.”

She put the dress to one side and picked up one of the shirts. Start with the safe options.

“I want to see,” Serena called out, “Let me know when you have something on.”

Bernie slipped off her jacket and shirt and pulled on the new shirt. She carefully buttoned it up and then turned to the mirror. It did look good on her.

“Ok,” she called to Serena, “You can come in.”

Serena pushed the curtain aside and slid into the cubicle beside Bernie. She looked admiringly at the shirt and smiled.

“Very nice.”

Bernie blushed again under Serena’s scrutiny. She fiddled with one of the shirt buttons.

“Now I want you to try on that,” Serena said, indicating the dress. Bernie fidgeted nervously.

“Serena, I’m not sure it is my sort of thing..”

“I know. But will you still try it on? For me?”

Bernie nodded. She couldn’t refuse Serena ever. At some point in the future she knew she was going to have to examine why that was, but right now she just watched as Serena slipped back out of the cubicle and began to change.

She removed the shirt, carefully hanging it back up again, and pulled off her jeans. Stood in the cubicle in her underwear and socks, she examined the dress again. It had a zip up the back that she undid, then pulled it over her head. She glanced into the mirror as the material slid down her body and over her thighs. Contorting her body into a weird position, she managed to pull up the zip again and stood once more in front of the mirror. She looked odd, she thought. It was difficult to know whether that was because the dress didn’t suit her or whether it was because she just wasn’t used to the idea. Her ankle length black socks certainly didn’t help with the overall look.

Serena stuck her head around the curtain and Bernie turned to her, shocked.

“I might have been changing!” she cried.

Serena grinned at her. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, Bernie. Also I was pretty certain you were just standing there staring.”

Bernie felt a blush rise on her cheeks again. The thought of Serena catching her half naked whilst changing was too much to bear.

Serena came into the cubicle properly and closed the curtain again. She stood next to Bernie and looked at her in the mirror. There was a long moment where neither of them spoke. Eventually Serena cleared her throat.

“It looks nice on you,” she whispered, leaning closer to Bernie until their sides were pressed together in the small changing cubicle. Bernie felt like her whole body was aflame. Silence fell again as they stared at each other in the mirror. Bernie felt like the whole world had shrunk until it was just the two of them, stood here together. There was no way she wasn’t going to buy the dress now.

Then Serena stepped away and coughed. The sounds of other shoppers seemed to rush into Bernie’s consciousness.

“Right, well,” Serena said, “I’ll give you a few more minutes and then we better get going. The tea shop closes soon.”


	2. Chapter 2

The invite had specified “attire suitable for the Queen’s garden party” whatever that was supposed to mean. Bernie stood in front of the wardrobe and dismissed basically every item of clothing she owned. It just really wasn’t her thing. She didn’t even understand why she had been invited in the first place. She’d only met Evie once, when she had been admitted to the ward following a fall, but apparently she had insisted. And you couldn’t refuse an invite to a 13th birthday party.

Bernie slumped down onto her bed and contemplated calling to cancel. The disappointment she would cause the child stopped her from doing it. She debated calling Serena for advice but didn’t particularly feel like being laughed at for her lack of decorum at present. She really wished that Charlotte was still speaking to her. She’d know what to do.

She stood up again and looked through her wardrobe one last time. Pushed right to the back, she found the dress she had bought with Serena the other week. She pulled it out and held it up against herself in the mirror. It was floral, which had to be ok for a garden party, surely. It would have to do. Paired with her sandals and a wrap if it got chilly, it really was the best she could manage.

She was ready just in time. She heard Serena’s car pulling up in front of the house just as she had finished applying some light make-up. She waved to Serena from the window and headed out to meet her, Evie’s present clutched in her hand. She was vaguely aware of Serena staring at her as she locked the front door and walked towards the car. She slid into the passenger seat with Serena still staring at her.

“You wore the dress.”

“Yeah. It was the only suitable thing I had. Thanks for making me buy it.” Bernie smiled at Serena.

“Mmm,” said Serena, her mind clearly on other things. She smoothed down Bernie’s skirt over her thighs causing Bernie to gasp. “It looks really good on you.”

Serena then seemed to catch what she was doing. She rapidly removed her hand from Bernie’s thigh, put the car in gear and set off down the road. Bernie sat silently, trying to figure out what just happened. She could still feel the ghost of Serena’s hand upon her thigh.

They arrived at Raf and Fletch’s house in good time and Serena parked just down the road. Bernie scrambled out of the car and waited for Serena to lock up. They walked towards the house together, shoulders brushing occasionally. Bernie could feel her cheeks burning at the contact. She knew Serena was more comfortable with physical contact that she was but it seemed recently that Serena was touching her even more than normal. She thought she might be imagining it, wishful thinking about Serena wanting something more than friendship, but there had been too many moments recently that she couldn’t deny.

Mikey opened the door to them and showed them through to the garden, doing his best impression of a wedding usher. Serena ruffled his hair as they stepped out into the garden and he ducked out of the way, heading back inside. Serena laughed and linked her arm through Bernie’s.

“Let’s go and say hello to the birthday girl then,” she said, gently propelling Bernie towards Evie.

“Serena!” came a cry from across the garden as they were spotted. Evie came bounding over to meet them. Serena dropped Bernie’s arm as Evie threw herself into Serena’s arms. Bernie stood and stared. Eventually Evie let Serena go and turned to Bernie.

“Hello Bernie,” she said, “Thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for inviting me,” replied Bernie, “I’ve got a present for you. Do you want it now or is there somewhere I can put it?”

“I’ll open it now,” Evie said, taking the package off Bernie. True to form, the wrapping wasn’t exactly neat and a lot of sellotape had been used. Evie struggled to open it until Serena dug her nail scissors out of her handbag and passed them over. Serena shot Bernie a sympathetic look as Evie tore through the wrapping paper.

“Oh wow, a mermaid blanket!” Evie wrapped her arms around a surprised Bernie. “Thank you!”

Evie scampered off to show her friends her new blanket. Bernie watched her go, tears in her eyes. The whole birthday party was bringing back memories of her kids’ birthday parties when they were younger. She remembered their wide-eyed wonder as they opened presents and cards. It had been a long time since she had seen Charlotte as excited about a present she had bought. Most birthdays and Christmases recently she has been on tour and even the ones she had managed to be around for, Charlotte seemed uninterested in what Bernie got for her. She missed the close relationship she had with her daughter when she was small. But too much time spent away from home had well and truly ruined that.

She felt Serena slip her hand into hers as she stood watching Evie. Bernie gripped her hand firmly and interlinked their fingers. She didn’t know why Serena was touching her again but she didn’t care. The contact was comforting.

“I think it’s safe to say she liked your present,” Serena said. She squeezed Bernie’s hand before pulling her over towards the drinks table. Bernie used her free hand to wipe the tears away from her eyes before accepting a glass of lemonade from Fletch. She noted that he didn’t seem surprised at all by their joined hands. Serena propelled Bernie towards a couple of garden chairs at the edge of the lawn. They sat down and sipped their lemonade, watching Evie and her friends play boules on the lawn.

After a while, they were joined by Ella and Theo who crawled up onto their laps. Theo promptly fell asleep on Serena’s lap and Bernie wrapped her arms tight around Ella who seemed to be heading that way. Within minutes the little girl had dropped off, her head pillowed on Bernie’s chest.

“You're good with them,” Serena whispered, trying not to wake up the sleeping children, “First you get the perfect present for Evie and now you have Ella sleeping peacefully.”

Bernie blushed at the praise. “Shame I was rubbish with my own children,” she muttered under her breath, dropping her eyes to the floor.

Serena reached over and placed a hand on her upper arm. “You are a much better mother than you will ever let yourself believe,” she said firmly.

Bernie raised her head and stared into Serena’s eyes. Their gaze held for what felt to Bernie like an eternity. She could see something in Serena’s eyes that she couldn’t place.

They were jolted back into the real world by a ball hitting Bernie’s foot. She jumped, waking Ella and spilling lemonade down her dress.

“Sorry!” called one of Evie’s friends from across the garden.

Ella started crying which woke Theo, setting him off as well. Fletch ran over and scooped the two children up in his arms while Bernie tried to assess the damage the lemonade had caused. She looked up to find Serena gone. She returned momentarily with some kitchen roll and began patting down Bernie’s dress.

“It doesn’t look too bad,” she said as Bernie attempted not to hyperventilate at her touch, “Think most of it went on the floor.”

She removed her hand and smiled at Bernie. Bernie took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down.

“Lucky it wasn’t Shiraz!” she joked, “Wouldn’t want to ruin this dress on its first outing.”

“Yes, that would be a shame,” Serena nodded. She looked at Bernie for a moment longer before disappearing back inside.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t a date, not really. At least she was sure Serena didn’t think it was. Bernie on the other hand had gone out of her way to construct an elaborate reason for why she had changed into a dress at the end of the shift including mentioning a cancelled dinner with Cameron at some posh restaurant. Whether Serena bought the excuse or not didn’t matter as long as she didn’t guess the real reason. The reason being that she was in a dress because she liked the way Serena looked at her when she wore one. She liked it so much that she had even gone out and bought more dresses. She didn’t want to wear the same one each time, didn’t want Serena to notice what she was doing.

And it definitely wasn’t a date. It was just a quick bite after a long shift. It was an excuse to spend more time in Serena’s company, something that had been severely lacking since their fateful kiss in theatre. And Bernie had noticed Serena looking at her, wanted her to look some more, wanted the physical contact that Serena usually doled out so freely to return. Really wanted to kiss her again but couldn’t do that. Not since the disaster of last time. So this wasn’t a date. Not at all.

She collected Serena from their office, coat slung over her arm so that Serena would be able to see the new dress, knee length with blue and white stripes. She looked good in stripes, knew she did, so the dress had been an easy pick.

Serena’s eyes lifted from the computer screen as Bernie entered their office. Bernie registered a slight gasp as she took in the sight of Bernie in a dress.

“Ready to go?” Bernie asked.

Serena stood, grabbing her coat off the hook and picking up her bag. She approached Bernie and took her arm.

“New dress?” she asked, eyes not straying from it.

“You’ve convinced me that I look good in them,” Bernie said honestly. Serena’s eyes flashed with something Bernie is sure is want.

They walked out to Bernie’s car together and Bernie held the passenger door open as Serena elegantly climbed into the car. She ensured that Serena’s coat is tucked in before gently closing the door and walking round to the driver’s side. She could feel Serena’s eyes following her as she moved.

She drove Serena to a tiny little Italian that Mo had recommended to her. Serena turned on the radio as they drove and the car was filled with classical music. Neither of them spoke.

Serena accepted Bernie’s arm as they walked into the Italian. They were soon seated on a table tucked away at the back of the restaurant. The waiter handed them both menus and placed the wine list in the centre of the table. Serena’s eyes widened as she saw how long it was. Bernie picked it up and handed it to her.

“I think this is your area of expertise, Ms Campbell,” she said, looking at Serena with hooded eyes. She watched as Serena scanned the list, quickly locating the Shiraz section and running her finger down the options. She watched as Serena’s lips moved, silently mouthing the information she had been given. She could watch Serena all day and never tire of it.

Serena looked up at her once she had made a decision. “Are you joining me in a bottle?”

Bernie shook her head. “I’ll be the designated driver. Just a small glass of white for me.”

“You don’t have to,” Serena said, “We could get a taxi instead.”

“I know. But I want to drive you,” Bernie countered. She couldn’t tell Serena the real reason. That she was worried about what she might do with enough alcohol in her system to lower her inhibitions. That it was hard enough to hold it together around her without pulling her close and kissing her. She didn’t want to make Serena uncomfortable again.

Serena nodded and picked up the menu. “Ok. Thank you,” she murmured. She glanced up at Bernie and gave her a tiny smile which Bernie returned.

There were a few moments of silence as they both contemplated their menus, each of them sneaking glances at the other, both of them trying to ensure the other didn’t notice.

The waiter returned and they ordered, both plumping for a risotto. Bernie had eyed up the spaghetti but then remembered that it was not a good idea to eat spaghetti on a date. Not that this was a date of course.

They chatted comfortably about the hospital while they waited for their food, staying clear of any dangerous topics of conversation, any topics where they might have to reveal any kind of personal feeling, instead sticking to topic such as how well Morven was improving as a doctor and what the Fletchlings had been getting up to recently.

The food looked and smelt marvellous when it arrived. Bernie watched as Serena closed her eyes and breathed in the aroma. She really wished she could just lean across the table and kiss her. But that wasn’t allowed. Because this wasn’t a date. So she picked up a fork and started to eat, keeping her eyes from Serena’s lips.

Serena got more handsy the more wine she drank. She kept reaching over to Bernie and placing her hand on her arm. At one point Bernie could have sworn she felt Serena’s bare foot rubbing up and down her leg. But that couldn’t have happened. Serena wouldn’t do that. That was a typical date move. And Serena definitely knew this wasn’t a date, didn’t she?

It was late before they left the restaurant, Bernie having successfully argued her case for paying. She had been the one to suggest this after all. Serena stumbled slightly on the small step onto the street, the wine catching up with her, and Bernie put an arm around her waist to steady her, didn’t remove it as they walked towards Bernie’s car. Serena leant into Bernie’s side, her head falling onto Bernie’s shoulder.

“You’re so good to me Bernie,” she whispered. Bernie blushed and tried to hide it. Felt Serena reach across her body and grab her free hand. “And you look so good in that dress. So good.”

“I think it’s time we got you home Ms Campbell,” Bernie said, trying desperately to resist the urge to spin Serena round, press her against the nearest wall and kiss the life out of her.

Serena pulled away from Bernie and began rummaging through her handbag. “Just a minute.”

Bernie waited patiently,  wondering what on earth Serena was up to now. Then Serena pulled out her phone and waved it around.

“I want to take a picture of you. So I don’t forget how good you look tonight.”

Bernie tried to protest but fighting against a very drunk Serena Campbell was never going to go well. She allowed Serena to position her under the nearest streetlamp and smiled obligingly as Serena took photos. Then Serena took a few steps forward towards Bernie.

“Let’s take a selfie!” she announced, still waving her phone around.

She grabbed Bernie around the waist and pulled her in close. She held up the phone and adjusted the camera until they were both visible on the screen. Then, at the last moment before taking the picture, Serena stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Bernie’s cheek. The resulting picture showed a very pleased Serena kissing a very surprised Bernie. Serena took one look at it and burst out laughing.

“Your eyebrows have gone up so far they have disappeared!” she giggled, “Let’s try again.”

She pulled Bernie close again, held up the camera and gently placed another kiss on Bernie’s cheek. Bernie forced a smile and wished she knew how to stop her cheeks burning at the contact. This time the photo looked better, Bernie looked better. She tugged on Serena, pulling her towards the car before she could take another one.

Serena sang along to the radio on the drive home. She seemed happy, relaxed in Bernie’s company in a way she hadn’t since the kiss. Bernie was pleased. Whatever had happened, whatever might happen in the future, she didn’t want to lose that closeness, that easiness between them. She pulled up in front of Serena’s house and dashed around the car to help Serena out. Serena smiled and gripped her arm as she climbed out. They walked up the garden path together and Serena fumbled around with her keys, finally managing to unlock the door.

“Well I guess I’ll be going then,” Bernie said, “See you in the morning.”

“Bernie, wait,” Serena said, her hand on Bernie’s arm stopping her leaving, “I just…”

Bernie waited for Serena to continue but she didn’t. She brushed a hand down Bernie’s dress instead.

“You look good in this dress,” she whispered, hand continuing to stroke it, causing Bernie’s skin to tingle all over.

“So you keep saying,” Bernie replied, equally quietly. She grabbed Serena’s wandering hand before it caused a reaction she couldn’t hide. Serena entwined their fingers together.

“Bernie do you think…”

Silence fell again between them. Bernie looked into Serena’s face to find her eyes fixated on hers. They stood there, under the porch light, just staring at each other. Eventually, Serena dropped Bernie’s hand but wrapped both her arms tightly around her instead. Bernie brought her arms up and around to hold Serena.

“Thank you for tonight,” Serena said into Bernie’s shoulder.

“You’re very welcome,” replied Bernie. Her willpower broke and she pressed a kiss onto the top of Serena’s head. Serena pulled back and looked into Bernie’s eyes again. Then she began to lean in closer.

A car passing by made them both jump. Serena sprung out of Bernie’s arms and in through the open door. Bernie took a step backwards, glancing between Serena and the road.

“Goodnight,” Serena said, taking one last long look at Bernie before closing the door.

Bernie took a deep breath and walked back towards her car, wondering what had happened in the last five minutes. What did Serena want from her? Friendship? More? She just couldn’t tell anymore. She’d take anything from that amazing woman just to spend more time with her.

She had just pulled up in front of her flat when her phone beeped.

_Coffee in the morning? I think I’ll need it. Meet you at Pulses before our shifts start. S xx_

Bernie shot of a quick confirmation before heading inside and to bed. She wouldn’t, couldn’t read anything into the events of the evening. But she knew that her dreams would be full of a Serena Campbell who didn’t stop at kisses on cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena was nervous. Bernie could tell by the way her hand shook as she zipped up the back of her dress for her. She spun round and placed a thank you kiss onto Serena’s lips. And then another kiss for reassurance. Loved that she was now allowed to do this.

“We can just go as friends if you want,” she offered.

Serena shook her head and Bernie smiled at her. Their relationship was so new, only a couple weeks now since she had returned from Ukraine, and so far they had tried to keep things quiet. They were both sure that the rumour mill had supplied certain details to most of the hospital, it wasn’t like Fletch had a reputation for keeping quiet about things like this, but they hadn’t explicitly confirmed anything. Until tonight.

The Annual Holby City Fundraising Ball had rolled around, like always, and Ric, as acting CEO, had requested that they both attend. So Bernie had dug out her nicest dress from the wardrobe and headed round to Serena’s to get ready.

“I want everyone to know that the most beautiful woman at this stupid ball is coming home with me,” Serena said, eyes glinting, “They might get to look at you in that rather stunning dress, but I’m the only one who gets to take it off you.”

Bernie groaned, tried to resist pushing Serena down on the bed and removing her dress right now. “Serena…”

“Easy tiger!” Serena laughed, “Save that thought until we get back home.” She paused for a moment and then continued, anxiety evident in her voice, “You are staying tonight aren’t you?”

“If you want me to.”

“I do.” Serena’s voice had dropped to a whisper.

“Then yes.”

They stood there grinning at each other until the silence was broken by the sound of a car horn. Serena flicked back the curtain.

“That would be the taxi,” she said, “Are you ready?”

“Think so. Just need to grab my bag and shoes.”

“Meet you downstairs then,” Serena said, already slipping on her heels.

The taxi ride was short, the ball being conveniently held in a local hotel and Serena spent the whole trip with a firm grip on Bernie’s hand. Bernie rubbed her thumb back and forth across the back of Serena’s hand in an attempt to calm her. This meant more to Serena than Bernie. For Bernie this was a group of colleagues she didn’t know that well. For Serena these were the people she’d worked with in many different capacities for years. They were her friends. Some may have even become enemies. But they were all people who thought they knew her. And thought she was completely, one hundred percent straight. And she was going to change all that in one night.

Serena took a deep breath as the taxi pulled up in front of the hotel.

“Still want to do this?” Bernie checked.

“Absolutely.”

Bernie clambered out of the taxi, passing the driver some money on the way, and held out her hand to help Serena slide gracefully out onto the pavement. She half expected Serena to drop her hand once the taxi door had been closed but Serena just tugged on their joined hands and pulled Bernie closer.

“Come on,” she whispered into Bernie’s ear, causing an involuntary shiver, “Let’s show them what we’re made of.”

A string quartet was playing in the corner of the ballroom as they walked in. A waiter approached and handed them both glasses of champagne. Bernie noticed Serena downing half of hers straight away. She squeezed her hand tightly.

“I’m fine,” Serena whispered, “Just needed a little Dutch courage.”

She emptied the glass and placed it on a nearby table. Bernie sipped her delicately.

“Come on Ms Wolfe, let’s go and get our ward some money,” Serena said, tugging gently on Bernie’s hand. She squeezed Bernie’s hand once before dropping it. Bernie glanced at her, concerned, but Serena wouldn’t meet her eye.

They approached a group of men, all wearing dinner jackets.

“Serena!” one of the men said as they got close, “How nice to see you.”

“You too Jeremy. How is life in the big city?”

“London’s great but it’s no Holby. Thought I’d come back and see how my investments are going.” 

His eyes lingered on Serena’s body. Bernie resisted the urge to punch him.

“Well Holby City is holding up just fine thank you very much. Imagine what we could do with even more money!”

“Cutting straight to the chase like usual I see!” Jeremy laughed. He turned and looked at Bernie. “And who is this stunning woman you have with you today?”

Serena’s face flushed red. “This is Bernie Wolfe,” she said before pausing. She opened her mouth again to continue before shutting it and giving Bernie a worried look.

Bernie took pity on her and stuck out her hand to Jeremy. “I’m a trauma surgeon and co-lead on AAU with Ms Campbell.”

Jeremy shook her hand politely. “Can’t be easy, sharing a ward with Serena. She can be quite feisty if she doesn’t get her way!”

Bernie just smiled and nodded. She contemplated taking Serena’s hand again but then decided against it. Serena was clearly uncomfortable.

“Well, it was very nice to meet you but I can see our CEO waving to us. We better go and see what he wants.”

“Of course. Hopefully I’ll see you later,” Jeremy said.

Bernie placed a hand gently on Serena’s back and guided her over to the other side of the room.

“Where’s Ric?” she asked as they exited the room into a deserted corridor.

“No idea. I just thought you might want to escape that conversation.”

A small smile appeared on Serena’s face. She looked both ways down the corridor, checking it was empty, before falling into Bernie’s arms.

“Thank you,” she murmured as Bernie pulled her close.

They stood, wrapped in each other, for a few moments. Then Serena stepped back and grasped both of Bernie’s hands.

“It seems I’m not as ready as I thought I was to be open about us.” She looked down at her feet, embarrassed. “When it came down to it I was just too scared.”

“I get it Serena,” Bernie said. Serena looked up at her with big wide eyes. “I really do. I’m constantly petrified that someone is going to find out I’m gay. Even after the rumour mill at work made sure everyone in the building knows, I’m still scared sometimes.”

“I didn’t realise,” Serena said.

“That’s because when I’m with you I’m not so scared anymore.” Bernie dropped her eyes to the carpet. “You make me brave,” she whispered before glancing up again, looking straight into Serena’s eyes.

Serena took one look at the love evident in Bernie’s eyes and pressed her lips firmly against Bernie’s, not even checking to see if the hallway was still empty. Bernie pulled her in close so that their bodies were flush. She deepened the kiss as Serena’s arms snaked around her back, never wanting this to end.

The sound of a throat clearing pulled them apart in the end. They reluctantly stepped back and looked to find the source of the interruption.

“Sorry about this ladies but I really do need you out there talking to potential donors,” Ric said, face bright red, refusing to meet their gazes.

“Of course Ric. Just give us a moment,” Serena said.

Ric vanished quickly down the corridor as Bernie and Serena collapsed into giggles.

“Did you see his face?” Serena said, between fits of laughter, “I’ve never seen Ric Griffin so uncomfortable!”

“Not even when he accidently punched Hanssen!”

They managed to pull themselves together after a few moments and they headed back down the corridor towards the ballroom. Bernie was surprised to feel Serena’s hand slipping into hers as they entered the room. She looked down at it and then back up at Serena.

“So we can be brave together,” Serena said in explanation.

Bernie squeezed her hand tightly and they approached the nearest group of donors together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been half-written for about a year now so I thought it was high time I got on with it and actually finished it off!

Bernie wriggled around as she sat in the passenger seat of the car. Serena glanced over at her and sighed.

“What on earth is the matter now Bernie?”

“Nothing,” came the reply but the wriggling continued.

“Do you need the toilet? There’s some services coming up if you need me to stop.”

“No, no. I’m fine.”

Serena sighed again and continued driving. At least the motorway was relatively quiet today. They should be at Charlotte’s graduation in plenty of time. That is if she doesn’t murder Bernie for whatever it is she is up to right now.

“Berenice Wolfe will you either tell me what the matter is or sit still. It’s like sitting next to a demented ferret!”

Bernie immediately paused, her cheeks burning. She stole a quick glance at Serena and then turned to stare out of the window. The wriggling had stopped but Serena could still sense the tension pouring off Bernie’s body.

“Out with it,” she demanded.

“S’nothing,” Bernie said, eyes following the edge of the road.

“I will pull off at the next junction and turn us round if you do not tell me right now what the problem is.”

Serena had learnt during the time they had been together that it was best to be direct when it came to getting Bernie to talk.

Bernie sighed and tugged on the hem of her dress. “Do you think it is a bit short?” she asked in a small voice.

“Your dress? No not at all. You have wonderful legs.”

Bernie turned and smiled. “You’re supposed to say that.”

“Well it’s true darling. Is that what the problem is?”

Bernie shuffled around in her seat again. Serena waited patiently for Bernie to elaborate.

“You don’t think I’m too old to be wearing a dress this short?” she said finally.

Serena sighed.

“Is this about Amy again?”

Bernie shook her head. Then nodded when Serena raised an eyebrow. “I just don’t want to embarrass Charlotte,” she said in a small voice. “Not after everything.”

“Trust me darling, Marcus and Amy have way more to be embarrassed about that you do.”

“But she’s so young. And so beautiful. And Charlotte definitely likes her better than me. Everybody does really.”

Serena said nothing but indicated to turn off for the services. Bernie looked at her, confused, but said nothing. They pulled into a parking space at the far end of the car park. Serena turned the engine off and undid her seatbelt, twisting in her chair to face Bernie.

“I’m not going to let Marcus and his cliched post marriage relationship with a much younger woman affect your self-esteem Berenice Wolfe.”

Bernie blushed at the use of her full name, something Serena only did when she was angry.

“You and Charlotte are still finding your feet with everything that has happened,” Serena continued, “She does not like her better, there is just less baggage. And she is more her age so they have things in common. You are still her mum, whatever happens. And as for everyone else liking her better, I have on good authority that Cam and Morven are not that keen and I for one think you are possibly the most amazing woman in the world and Amy doesn’t even come close.”

Serena reached out and grasped Bernie’s hand. “I love you Berenice Wolfe. You are beautiful, brave, exasperating at times and the love of my life.”

Bernie looked at her. “The love of your life?” she whispered.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Is that alright?” Serena asked, voice wobbling a bit now.

Bernie’s grin lit up the whole car. She nodded once then tugged hard on Serena’s hand to pull her in close and kiss her.

“More than alright,” Bernie said between kisses.

It was only the awareness that they were in a service station car park that stopped them in the end. The sound of a car horn at the other end of the car park broke them apart. Serena kissed Bernie once more on the cheek and then slid back into the driver’s seat and fastened her seatbelt.

“Ready to go face Marcus and Amy?” she asked as she turned the key in the ignition.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Charlotte met them outside the student union already dressed in gown and hat. She hugged Serena and then turned to her mum.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” she said, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice, “I wasn’t sure if you would be able to get the time off.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Bernie replied, smiling, “I’m so proud of you Charlie.”

Charlotte blushed and reached forward to drag Bernie into a hug. “I’m proud of you mum as well. Look at how far you’ve come.”

Bernie gripped Charlotte tight and felt tears prick at her eyes. “I love you Charlotte. Always have done, always will do.”

She pulled away and adjusted Charlotte’s gown, not making eye contact.

“Shall we go and get ourselves seated?” Serena asked, watching the ushers at the door.

The two women turned to look at her.

“Yes. Good idea,” Charlotte replied, “Dad and Amy are already inside. You’ll be sat next to them. I hope that’s alright?”

Charlotte glanced at her mother. Bernie smiled back, remembering Serena’s words from earlier. “Absolutely fine darling. Lead the way.”

Charlotte slipped into her own seat near the front as the went in, pointing Bernie and Serena in the direction of their own seats. They slid into the seats on the end of the aisle next to Marcus and Amy.

Marcus gave a small smile and a grunt as a greeting. He’d never really gotten over the awkwardness of seeing his ex-wife and her new partner together. Amy was more talkative however.

“Hi Bernie, hi Serena!” she said, leaning over to kiss each of them on the cheek. “Isn’t it exciting! I’ve never been to a graduation before!”

Serena stopped herself from rolling her eyes and just smiled instead.

“I do like your dress,” Amy said to Bernie.

“Oh. Thank you.” She’d been learning from Serena how to accept compliments.

“I didn’t know you wore dresses. Thought you were all about the butch look.”

Bernie’s mouth just opened. “Oh well I…”

Serena took pity on her and stepped in. “She looks fabulous in whatever she wears don’t you think? You should see her in her wedding dress. Bit early nineties with the big puffy sleeves but that can’t be helped. Not a great era for fashion but we were all making our own mistakes weren’t we?”

“I’m not sure I really remember…” Amy said trailing off.

Serena smiled. “Sometimes I forget just how young you are Amy.”

Marcus grunted some more from his chair on her other side.

“Charlotte says that there is a drinks reception after the ceremony,” Bernie said, trying to bring the conversation back to neutral ground. “Are you staying for it?”

“Oh yes!” Amy said brightly, “I do like a nice glass of bubbly. And dear Marcus said he’d drive so I could drink as much as I like!”

“How very kind of him,” Serena said.

Before the conversation could continue any further, music sounded from the front of the auditorium and a parade of gowned academics began to slowly process onto the stage. Amy’s eyes widened in amazement and Serena and Bernie were taken back to their own graduations all those years before. Serena slipped her hand into Bernie’s as the Vice Chancellor stood up and gave a speech about going forth into the world and making your mark.

The monotony of names being read out and the audience clapping was enough to make Bernie drowsy and her eyes began to close. Serena had to nudge her when Charlotte’s course was called out. She looked up to find her daughter stood near the front of a line of gowned students by the edge of the stage. Charlotte was looking directly at her and Bernie raised her hand in a wave. Charlotte smiled back before turning her head towards the stage and following the line of students as they one at a time climbed the steps and walked across the stage to shake hands with the Vice Chancellor. Bernie felt her eyes fill with tears as she heard other students cheering for Charlotte as she picked up her certificate. Charlotte turned to the audience and gave a huge grin before climbing down the stairs on the other side of the stage and heading back to her seat.

There wasn’t much more of the ceremony after that. One more group of students walked up on stage followed by some closing remarks by the Vice Chancellor again. And then the academics paraded back out of the room followed by the graduating students and the rest of the audience was free to go.

Charlotte was stood with a group of friends when they finally made it through the crowd of proud parents. Marcus pulled out his camera and started snapping pictures of them. Bernie hung back, still nervous around her daughter even now. It was only when Charlotte beckoned her and Serena over that she moved her feet.

“Mum, Serena, come and meet my friends.”

Bernie let Serena do most of the talking, she was far better at it after all, but she listened carefully to the names as Charlotte introduced them, recognising many of them from Charlotte’s infrequent phone calls. One girl complimented her dress, asked her where she got it from and Bernie smiled as she answered, beginning to relax.

They all walked over to the drinks reception together which was being held in the law department building on the other side of campus. Serena had got chatting to some of the other parents and Bernie joined in where she could. There was a moment of awkwardness when one of the parents asked Serena if she had children of her own but Serena, now used to the question, gave a brief explanation that firmly showed that follow up questions and comments were not wanted. Bernie squeezed her hand firmly and pulled her aside once they reached the reception. She could tell that the spark had gone out of Serena.

“Okay?” she murmured as they stood in an alcove.

Serena sighed and nodded. “I just miss her sometimes. And being here makes me think about what her graduation would have been like.”

“If it gets too much…”

“I know Bernie. Thanks. But we are going to stay for Charlotte’s sake and enjoy ourselves.”

Serena tugged on Bernie’s arm and pulled her close for a kiss.

“Now be a dear and go and see if they have a decent red on offer at the drinks table. I’m going to find us a seat.

The wine Bernie brought over was deemed passable and they settled down at a table in the corner. They were soon joined, to their surprise, by Marcus and Amy. Amy chattered away about the ceremony and the university in general and about how maybe she should look into getting a degree now before she got too old. It was soothing in a way and Bernie found herself warming to the woman. She was enthusiastic and kind and clearly made Marcus happy if the sappy look on his face was anything to go by. She would never begrudge Marcus his happiness particularly since she had found her own.

Charlotte found them after a while and sunk into the chair next to Bernie, resting her head on her mum’s shoulder.

“M’tired,” she said.

Bernie wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Shall we think about going?”

The plan was to go back to Charlotte’s room and load most her stuff into Marcus’s car. Marcus and Amy were heading back to Holby that night, Marcus had work in the morning. Bernie and Serena were booked into a hotel that night and they were then going to drive Charlotte and her overnight things back to Holby the following day, allowing her one last night with her uni friends.

Charlotte went round the room saying goodbye to her lecturers and friends before walking over to her halls with Serena and Bernie. Marcus had the car parked outside when they arrived and with so many hands on deck, they filled it up quickly. Marcus gave Charlotte a kiss and Amy pulled her into a hug before they both set off back along the motorway leaving Charlotte sat on her bed in an almost empty room, Serena in the kitchen washing up the tea mugs and Bernie hovering in the corridor, unsure about what to do next.

Serena swept her up when she came back with the mugs and pushed Bernie down next to Charlotte. She raised her eyebrows in a way that told Bernie to talk before settling herself on the desk chair.

“Lottie?” Bernie said, breaking the silence. “Are you okay?”

Charlotte shuffled closer to Bernie. “Bit tired and overwhelmed, that’s all.”

“Do you want us to leave you to have a nap?”

Charlotte shook her head. “I was thinking…” she began.

Bernie reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Go on.”

“Well, I don’t much fancy a night on the town with my friends tonight, so do you think I could spend this evening with you two instead?”

A sob threatened to burst out of Bernie’s throat. Her daughter was actually choosing her over her friends. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Serena came to the rescue. “Of course you can dear,” she said, leaning over and placing a hand on Charlotte’s knee, “What do you want to do?”

“Could we just get a takeaway and eat it here? We can watch a film on my laptop.”

With Charlotte’s in depth knowledge of the best takeaways in the local area, it didn’t take long before they had a feast of chinese food laid out in front of them and Netflix set up on the laptop. Propped up by pillows on the bed, they ate their fill. 

Bernie managed to spill some sauce down the front of her dress. Serena leapt into action with napkins and removed the worst of it but there was still a stain.

“This needs to go into soak straight away.”

Charlotte found Bernie a t-shirt and pair of jeans that she could borrow and she slipped into the bathroom to change. When she returned, Serena had a washing-up bowl of water ready for her and she dunked the dress into it.

“I hope it doesn’t stain,” Charlotte said, “It looked really good on you, that dress.”

“Your mother always looks spectacular in dresses,” Serena said, “Have I ever told you about how she tried to seduce me using them?”

Bernie buried her head in her hands as Serena described how Bernie wore a series of dresses to and from the hospital because she “liked how I looked at her in them”.

It was late before Bernie and Serena arrived at their hotel room. They’d opted for one walking distance from the campus so they didn’t have to worry about drinking and driving, not that they’d had very much alcohol in the end. Bernie was tired and she let Serena help her out of the borrowed clothes and into her pyjamas. They curled up in the large, soft bed together.

“This was a good day,” Serena muttered, “I’m glad we came.”

Bernie nodded her head.

“Can we dispense with the idea that Charlotte doesn’t like you now?”

Bernie nodded again.

“She’s just like you, you know,” Serena continued, “She feels things deeply but isn’t very good at expressing them. But give her time and space and she’ll show you exactly how she feels.”

Bernie shifted her head until she was face to face with Serena, their lips only centimetres apart.

“I love you,” she said before she brought her lips to meet with Serena’s and showed her exactly how she felt.


End file.
